Empathy in Action: Transformative Connections in YTFG Circles
By Anthony Turner
June 13, 2023 marked my first ever YTFG Empathy Circle. On paper, there were no hidden surprises of what was in store for me. As the description of the group read:
“Optional empathy circle for fellows to join if you're wanting to have a supportive space to check in about life in general while learning how to increase empathy for yourself and others.”
I have a social work background and I am no stranger to empathy as a whole. I’ve practiced it several times in my life, whether as a professional, personally, or otherwise. But despite my familiarity with empathy it’s something that, quite frankly, I have to consciously tap into. In my professional life I’m surprised there’s not more attention being paid to empathy skill development. My life as a survivor impacted by the child welfare system in NYC has desensitized me to many of life’s harsh challenges. So when I learned that I could grow my empathy in a new space with other foster care alumni—it just made sense.
There are not many other spaces like this. In all of my time post-foster care there’s really only been one other group offering a similar kind of support called Restorative Sundays. Restorative Sundays met every other Sunday and included a check-in to support each other emotionally on a holistic level. I was a member for nearly two years. I enjoyed the group and had gotten closer to some people but that one group could only go so far in terms of support. And recently, due to financial reasons, the group disbanded. The lack of support groups specifically for foster care alumni was a part of the reason why the YTFG Empathy Circles appealed to me.
Entering the space, the YTFG Fellowship Coordinator started out with some standard questions like “How are you feeling?” and “What are some things that are coming up for you?” Admittedly, I had low expectations for the answers, anticipating the typical “I’m doing fine” or “good.” But, oh no, I was taken aback as the space created during circles supported fellows to express very heartfelt lived experiences of things that have been difficult to navigate. Themes like grief, depression, falling out with friends, hating the holidays, insecurities about appearance, and many others.
I didn’t expect this and I was bewildered and fascinated at the same time. I love the transparency and that the fellows didn’t suppress what was going on in their lives. After people shared how things had been, the YTFG Fellowship Coordinator does a follow-up to reflect back what she understood, using resonant language to both validate their experience and help everyone develop greater understanding of ourselves and one another. I can’t speak for anyone else, but it’s nice to feel validated and cared for when I am going through some difficult times.
I had a good relationship with other fellows so it took no time at all for me to start feeling comfortable and sharing my own lived experiences in circles. With the sense of familiarity, the transparency, and being a safe space it motivated me to come again.
I’ve been participating in empathy circles for nearly two years now and it feels like family. Sure, it’s optional, but I look forward to seeing familiar faces and letting my guard down. Metaphorically and even literally I often feel like I have a mask on when I navigate the world. But the empathy circles are one of the few times where I can be myself and take off that mask. I still have plenty of room to grow in terms of being more empathetic, but I’d say I’m becoming more thoughtful and considerate of people when in spaces of vicarious trauma, PTSD, etc.
The following recommendations are for funders who are investing in youth engagement strategies and if implemented, can help to ensure that young people have the holistic support needed to fully engage in the work and heal with other lived experts.
Recommendations for Holistic Approaches to Engaging Lived Experts
Hire lived experience experts whose demographics reflect the population being served. Be intentional about utilizing anti-racist strategies to mitigate the impacts of racial injustice on young people and to build a more just society. This can be hiring youth leaders or foster care alumni who can educate others on the harmful practices of racist systems and how to navigate microaggressions in the workplace and beyond.
Offer monthly healing or empathy circles that are not focused directly on the work and are still paid. Fund programming that promotes a safe, just, and a racially equitable space where young adults are able to speak without feeling judged. For instance, my own foster care agency has a support group, specifically for LGBTQIA young people who were harassed and they are paid to be in this support group. The payment, while not enough to support an individual solely, aids in them not feeling tokenized and reinforces that they are bridging the gap from being only a person with lived experience into being a professional.
Utilize preventative services and supports so that young adults can prioritize their health and wellness and minimize (or prevent) chronic conditions from worsening through their role as lived experts being engaged or working as staff. Offer stipends to lived experts for mental health services and supports often not paid for through health insurance.
Invest in healing as an essential strategy to support well-being, including the use of restorative practices both for those who have been harmed and for those who have caused harm in the context of lived experience engagement. Incorporate positive behavioral interventions and utilize restorative justice practices as effective tools for acknowledging and repairing harm to victims and communities while supporting youth, building their skill sets, and holding them accountable. When engaging with lived experience experts and harm occurs, safe spaces for learning and repair must be ensured through adequate resources to support this process.
Offer a holistic, spiritual-based retreat at the beginning and end of any long-term engagement of lived experts designed to provide a nurturing and rejuvenating experience to support transitions and mitigate the survival mode that lived experts often experience during major transitions. A multi-day retreat allows for a safe and supportive space to take a break from their busy schedules, connect with nature, and engage in activities that promote presence needed to process transitions and maintain both physical and mental well-being in the process. The retreats are not meant to be packed agendas focused primarily on the work but instead would include a variety of activities such as yoga,sound bath session, meditation, hiking, a sweat lodge session, and other mindfulness exercises. These activities are designed to help them to develop a greater awareness of their bodies, minds, and emotions, and to cultivate a sense of calm and balance. In addition to these activities, the retreats would also consist of brainstorming sessions and team building workshops to strengthen the bond of the team and intentionally nurture their professional and personal development.
Acknowledge the impact long-term engagement of lived experts has on their identity development and career trajectory and create an intentional career development component of programming that supports healthy identity and career development. Programs must leave lived experts better off professionally than when they began the engagement. Not only will this mitigate burnout like that which occurs in programs asking you to give away your story for cheap and/or being a thought partner but not being fairly compensated for their work. Lived experts must be fairly compensated for their worth to reverse tokenization and support an uptick in which young adults actually want to share their ideas otherwise not shared in more unfair or unequal contexts that generate mistrust and suppress innovation and creativity. These ideas would be shared because they are valued, not because they happen to be asked constantly to be on the next panel discussion in their area.